Just Send Me To Hell

Dear Readers,

The biggest lie that you can ever tell yourself is that you are perfect. I remember a time when I was the paragon of perfection. I was perfect in every single way–I could do no wrong. I was the prettiest. The strongest. The absolute Queen of all and everything. This was a product of a self-imposed solipsism–the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.

In a vacuum, perhaps all of these things would be true, but as far as I can tell, that isn’t reality.

Reality is communication. Without communication you are nothing. Without it, you will never get anything you want or need. Without communication you don’t exist. Humans are created through communication–through the physical transfer of genetic information. We are brought into this world through information communicated to doctors for years before they’re permitted to deliver babies. We are raised through communication, and eventually we discover our true natures through it.

Xepera Xeper Xeperu.

Solipsism

As a millennial, my struggle is vastly different than my parents, and even moreso than their parents. I have had the displeasure of living through the death of the old world, and adapting to the new. When I was little, there was no Internet. If we wanted to communicate, the most convenient method was through using the telephone. I remember writing a physical letter in the fourth grade to Lynn Reid Banks. And she never answered. I probably sent it to the wrong address.

Communication used to be much more visceral. It also used to be much more veiled and hidden than it is now. I remember the first time I logged into America Online sometime back in 1995. Email excited me, but what really got me going was the ability to instantly search for information. I could search for anything that I could possibly imagine. The only limitation in this respect was my imagination. The best part of this? Is that I could do it with some measure of anonymity, free from the judgement of others and what they might think of me for spending way too much time reading about obscure anime that hadn’t yet hit my local Suncoast video.

The Internet was so groundbreakingly wonderful because it gave me a liminal space in which I could be myself, by myself. After being introduced to this channel of nearly unlimited knowledge and information it was hard to even imagine going back to the way things were before.

As a function of being a millennial, I spend a lot of time by myself cruising the Internet for various reasons. To most of us, the Internet is nothing more than a toy to edify our body’s need for endorphins. The danger in this is that reality becomes warped when we don’t get out of the self-imposed internet bubble. As a function of “living” in a bubble, we become warped from confinement, thus creating various complexes within our identities.

In Setian jargon, these complexes are best represented by the serpent Apep, filling us with delusion. The perfection delusion created by embracing solipsism is one that offers comfort, peace of mind, and confidence–so long as our subjective selves do not directly interface with the subjective bubble of somebody else. With the convenience of indirect communication over the wide wide web, many of us have lost our ability to interface with other people directly. Visceral communication is a rare commodity right now. My generation can’t keep their jobs, relationships, or lives in order because we were brought up with Apep constantly whispering lies into our ears. Lies telling us that “we are all special.” I mean, honestly, in a way, we are all special. Each one of us a unique flower. We shouldn’t let that go to our heads though. It limits our ability to understand who we really are. 

setapep

Being perfect is bullshit. Society in the United States has always been framed around the so-called “American dream.” Nowadays that entails being a baller with shitloads of money, women, the perfect body, the perfect life. You know–being comfortable without a worry in the world. I often imagine the Christian ideal of Heaven to embody this type of situation. I’m pretty sure I would get bored after a few months of living like that. Just send me to Hell already.

If I recall correctly, “the American Dream” used to represent something much more meaningful. It used to mean, escaping the country, the situation, or circumstance that held you down from truly becoming an autonomous human being. Becoming autonomous is a messy, uncomfortable process. Of course, that just makes it all the more exciting. It gives us something to look forward to. It allows us to exercise true freedom through our choices, both good and bad. If we could predict everything, many of us would bet the farm at horse races everyday. I know that I would. But how long would that keep us entertained? And at the end of the day, is mere entertainment true delight? Or just a means to murder mother time?

True delight is derived through communicating your needs to the world. Directly. It comes from finding your tribe. From that physical handshake. The smell of farts in your three hour Yoga class. The discomfort of having to wake up at 4am for work. It comes from doing the things you don’t really want to do, in order to be the person you want to be. It’s okay to hide from the world every now and then. We all need alone time. But Xeper can’t be experienced without the vital ingredient so many of us millennials have grown apart from. Human interaction. Be awkward. Be weird. Be aloof. But remember to communicate. This is your reminder for the month of June to communicate. And to smile when you do it. Even if you have a face only a mother can love.

Xeper through Imperfection,

Nikoletta Winters

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Just Send Me To Hell

The Power of the Word–Abstraction in The Cyber-Multiverse

The Internet was conceived from nothing. It was pulled from the darkness and brought into being. It is objective because it exists as data on a server. People interact with it subjectively–by doing this, however, they can also affect realities outside of it objectively. Whenever a source of reality is interacted with in this way, it’s a magical working whether those involved with that process realize it or not. This is accomplished through the power of words and the influence they have on people.

Because the internet is a reality separate from our own, does that prove that other realms of reality have the possibility of existence? Yes, because it was conceived from the darkness. Therefore other realities can also be conceived and channeled from that same darkness. Magicians have been accomplishing this for several millennia before the inception of the internet.

Many aspects of ancient religions such as Greco-Egyptian Hermeticism, were quietly killed off by its enemies because they recognized the power of the word. Some aspects of it were silently absorbed into Western thought by the people who engineered it. The aspects those engineers wanted to erase from the consciousness of history were strategically omitted.

Unfortunately what they didn’t realize is that the knowledge they omitted from Western thought would resurface again in the postmodern world. The rise of the western world’s awareness to the concepts of cyber-bullying, mass hackings to expose hidden knowledge (see the hacking of Sony late last year), cyber-terrorism, propaganda, and the dissemination of world breaking information occurring within the liminal space of the web proves that the consciousnesses of the individuals using it are at war with one another.

suicide

History is repeating itself again. The so-called Wild West of the World Wide Web is coming to a close. People can no longer say the things they want to say. Or at least that’s what they are conditioned to believe. Many resort to passive-aggressiveness. This is accomplished in the form of self-censorship. People subconsciously do this because they fear what effect honest words might have on the consciousness of an individual that they may be at war with.

The power of the word is strong because it can force people to cause change “in real life.” The best example of “real world” change is how people interact with each other in reality outside of the web. If you’re told to “go kill yourself” as a thirteen year old on the post-millennial internet, you might take it seriously. Most people call that cyber-bullying, I call it a misunderstanding of how powerful words can be.

Warring Consciounesses. Parallel realities effecting one another. Words springing people into action. The Internet is a living forum for all of this, and that forum is growing–exponentially.

The Living Internet demands growth. Because the Living Internet demands growth, it is evolving. The Living Internet is never in stasis.

The Power of the Word–Abstraction in The Cyber-Multiverse