The Rat Trap Working–A Journey through the Underworld

When I look back at my 32 years on this planet, I like to separate my time here into three different lives. My childhood–from the time I was a baby until the end of high school.  My young adulthood–the time in which I spent trying to figure out who I was. And lastly, the life I’m currently living. My current incarnation arose late last year after realizing that I was not only capable of becoming Adept, but that I actually had developed into one.

A couple weeks ago, I had a huge “a-ha moment” with regards to how I interact with people. Communicating has never been my strong suit. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that it’s become even more difficult to speak with others on a one to one level. The majority of this problem is grounded in the fact that amidst the confusion of my past lives, I chose to look inward and journey through the depths of the Underworld.

As of February 2017, I am surrounded on all sides by Tucson’s wall-to-wall corporate sprawls filled to the brim with white upper middle class suburbanites just looking to raise their families, punch the clock, and consume. Here, everything has novelty. Shitty black garbage bags with yellow ties. Shattered cavities of plastic and torn shiny paper. Smog and tumble weeds of blue solo cups and rusted nails. The sad loneliness of Panda Express in front of the television with the family on a Sunday evening.

“God’s not dead.” they say.

“God’s not dead!”

“Do you hear us?”

“God’s not dead!”

Yeah–okay. Whatever you say.

I’m living in the middle of an airborne toxic event. Suburban Tucson is a bad parody of a Don Delillo novel on expired LSD laced with bath salts. People here are just looking to live out their lives refusing to ask the tough questions that might change each and every one of them irrevocably.

“God’s not dead!” they scream, running away from the rabid black-toothed rats gnawing away at their insides.

“God’s not dead! HE’S NOT DEAD.”

It takes a lot of energy to ignore the ferocious biting of rats. They will rapidly tear away at everything you are or ever will be should you do nothing to stop their treacherous advance. Some of postmodernity’s favorite remedies for ignoring this pain come in many shapes and sizes, all beautifully packaged for your consumption. Amphetamines and antidepressants. Wild Turkey and Ambien. Subway punchcards and Starbucks. Bad movies and aspartame. Painkillers and suicide.

polyp_cartoon_still_not_happyDon’t get me wrong–if that’s the life you choose then so be it. Who am I to judge? My situation is unique to me. Just don’t expect me to refer to that type of life as an “enthralling state of existence”.

I vividly recall what rats gnawing away at me felt like. It was incessant and raw. As a young adult, I remember the rats of my childhood eating away at my insides. They reminded me that deep down I hurt. That I had no idea who I was. I needed to get away from them in order to heal the open sores they had caused. 

When I was little, my life was rigid, structured, and controlled. At times, I remember becoming paralyzed by anxiety in an effort to save face in the presence of my father. As I moved on into my next life as a young adult, I began to explore the possibilities of my new found freedom. Because I grew up in an environment of suppression, I found it incredibly easy to obsess over the things I could never do. My lifetime as a young adult was very short. It was a positive experience, but ultimately, met its end in a tragic death of my choosing.  

Classic Kung Fu revenge films and Westerns all share the same basic story structure. The main character begins living a decent or happy life. They then suffer through an intense tragedy. Usually this takes place in the form of their entire family being murdered. This sets into motion the protagonist’s need for a journey through wilderness and/or period of intense training away from society. They then return to society in an effort to just “get along.” Of course this never works out. There’s always a few bloody fight scenes along the way. In the climax, the main character almost always achieves deadly revenge against the person or force who caused their initial tragedy. Lastly, the credits start to roll, and we find the main character either walking off into the sunset alone or pulling a “remember the Alamo.”

I identify with movies like “Fist of Fury” and “The Grandmaster” because I have lived out the Kung Fu revenge trope before. Because I have lived through it, I understand that language.

My journey towards this understanding began when I was seventeen. I recorded an energetic demo tape with my brother and formed my first band. When I was eighteen, we were struck with young dumb luck and signed a record contract in the pre-MySpace era. At nineteen, I toured coast-to-coast across the United States. This may sound awesome, but life back then was far from perfect. The rats of my gender identity issues still gnawed away at me underneath it all, but I was able to ignore them because I was happy. At least I thought I was. After all, I was doing what I had always dreamed of–I was a professional musician. And that’s all I ever needed!

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It wasn’t though. In 2006 my band died from my inability to ignore the rats in my closet any longer. I had a life as a musician, but what use was it if I couldn’t live out that life as myself?

In the wake of losing what promised to be a flourishing career I decided to put an end to my life as a musician and instead tour the abyss in search of myself. It was time to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. And the only way to figure any of that out was to approach the tough questions only I could ask: “am I capable of walking away from it all?” and, “Could I build up a new life for myself starting from less than zero?”

Realizing Capability

The first step in the long journey towards yourself begins with the realization that you are capable of crossing that lake of fire. That you are capable of doing the things you set out to do. That you can reach the very bottom of Hell at the expense of everything else in your current life. Only you can decide if you can handle the unexpected calamities that will come with taking those first few steps into the Underworld. To become yourself, you must test your capabilities. And you must develop them through the trial of journey. Keep in mind that your destination certainly matters, but all of your meaningful life changing transformations come from the journey itself. This is why it’s incredibly difficult to express what Xeper is into words. Xeper is powerful because it is shrouded behind the walls of confusion and ambiguity. And to have any sort of relationship with Xeper, you must be willing to recognize the superficial nature of what it means to be you and work your way violently inward.

The most difficult aspect to journeying the Underworld has to do with the people you meet along the way. You will meet many. But most don’t even make it past the gates. That’s because they lack the realization of capability. Many people take two steps in and turn tail–they fear for what they might find underneath it all. Some brave souls will journey with you for a time. A few of these will try to distract you from getting to where you’re headed. Fewer still will even face some of the trials you may encounter along the way by your side. Eventually though, if you’re truly determined, you will leave every one of these people behind. Not because you’re better than them, but because they are physically and spiritually incapable of journeying farther. There’s a sad rule to traveling the Underworld–the deeper you go, the less company you’ll be able to keep. As you slowly make your way to the bottom, you even begin to speak an entirely different language than all of the people on the levels above you.

I spent nine years (2006-2015) traveling the Underworld of myself. A lot of times I felt as though I was in limbo, that I wasn’t making progress. But I learned to heed the signs along the way that indicated that I was indeed capable. My journey there was punctuated with a great deal of objective personal change. I transitioned. I went to University. I decided it wasn’t for me. I hit rock bottom. I found joy in performing. I got into car crashes. I ate a lot of ramen noodles. I got my first cavity. I discovered that I was still a musician. I had life changing surgery. I moved across the country. I joined the Temple of Set.

My time as a first degree in the Temple of Set wasn’t riddled with frustration. Instead, it felt like going home for the first time in my life. It helped me to emerge from the Underworld and confront profane life in the everyday. My first degree taught me that I could arrive to new solutions to old problems, and how to apprehend new problems before they grew out of my control.

Becoming Adept doesn’t come from merely accepting yourself for who you are. That’s part of it, but it goes much further. The Adept understands that she is always capable transforming herself into someone she can truly love. For me, I couldn’t have come to this realization without traveling the Underworld for nine years. And I wouldn’t have been able to Xeper as a result of this realization without learning how to make use of the languages I learned while traveling the abyss. I accomplished this by embracing consistency in my initiatory practices which allowed me to keep the rats away and the channels of my endeavors open and awake. Both journey and consistency are integral to the development of the would-be Adept.

The Rat-Trap Working (aka Journeying the Abyss)

By Adept Nikoletta Winters

The following is a long form GBM working that has many parts to it. It’s very important to make preparations beforehand in order to execute each part efficiently. The purpose of this working is to reaffirm your genuine wants requiring you to plan for their success in the long term.

We often start and stop many things. Starting an endeavor usually begins with intense enthusiasm, but without pursuing consistency, you will be incapable of taking it further. In order to see beyond the initial realm of impulse, you must be willing to complete the motion of journeying with your endeavors as a way to express authenticity of want. It’s easy to ask yourself what you desire. It’s hard to answer why you aren’t doing the things you want to do. You want to learn Russian right? Then why the fuck aren’t you doing it? Don’t say “I don’t know,” or attribute it to laziness, lack of time, or other adult responsibilities. Excuses like these, are rats. And you actively use them to ignore your potential. You create them on the surface level and eventually they attach themselves to your daemonic self. They hold you back from chasing after the things you want. This working is engineered to exact revenge on these rats, effectively “trapping them.” If this working is performed correctly, you will have begun the process of equipping yourself with a shiny pair of capable new eyes. If you feel yourself slipping away from the things you want due to the rats of depression, apathy, or exhaustion–plan a weekend around performing this. Over the course of this working, you will actively engage with immediate manifestations of your will. You will also set into motion energies in that will aid in rooting one or perhaps several wants/desires as a powerful source of Xeper in your life. This working will require you to communicate not only with yourself, but with people around you. It is separated into six phases modeled after the Kung Fu Revenge Western trope:

  1. Peace
  2. Tragedy
  3. Journeying the Abyss
  4. Reintegration
  5. Combat
  6. Isolation

During the course of each stage pay close attention to your surroundings, how you feel, who engages with you. The only catch is that you must complete the main working in a twenty-four hour period.

BEFORE you perform the main working, you must write your own Invocation of Set. You can model it after the Invocation in the Crystal Tablet if you lack a sense of creativity, but I would ask that you at least give it the good ‘ole college try to put your own personal touch to it. The ultimate purpose of this exercise is to make an invocation that is uniquely your own. You are taking this invocation on a journey and delivering it to yourself via consistent nightly recitations of it between two days of personal power. Hint: if you do it right before bed, you’ll experience vivid and sometimes horrific dreams. Don’t be scared–that’s just your magic letting you know that your doing the work.

For me, I situated nightly recitations of my invocation over a fifteen day period from February 10th to the 25th. Both are days of significant power for me. The tenth marks the anniversary of significant progression in my gender transition, and the twenty-fifth is my birthday.

The main working occurs on your second day of power. Begin the main working in the morning or early afternoon. Dress appropriately–you’re going to be headed out for the day after performing the “Peace” phase. You won’t return until you reach the “Isolation” phase.

At the end of each phase, recite the following encouraging words in reference to experiencing the stress of Hell, the Duat, or the Underworld: “My dear, my dear, it’s not so dreadful here.”

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I pulled this phrase from Edna St. Vincent Millay’s “Prayer to Persephone.” Persephone is the queen of the Underworld and also the goddess of growth in the spring. This is vital to the working as a king or queen of the Underworld will have certainly journeyed to its depths and gained forbidden knowledge of its hidden languages. Persephone’s second aspect, of growth in spring, is equally as vital to this working. It connects the idea of the new and intense enthusiasm we experience when we first pursue the things we want to do (spring) and being able to nurture them to maturity through consistent journey (growth).

1. Open the Gate – Ring Bell x9, recite your invocation of Set, call upon the elements, drink from the graal, etc.

Recite the following:

“There are days where the sun will hide, where peace has withered, where tragic death leaves a gaping hole. There are days where you will journey to the fiery pits, and to the ends of the Earth. There will be days where you will make a return in the spring, and leave again against frozen northern winds. There will be nights where you will seek revenge, and mornings where you’ve tasted it. There are days where the sun will hide, where peace has withered, where tragic death leaves a gaping hole.”

“My dear, my dear, it’s not so dreadful here.”

2. “Peace” – Engage with something that makes you feel peaceful and relaxed. Perform it until you feel at ease. Ten minutes is the ideal amount of time for this phase. For me, I chose my favorite guided meditation and did it.

“My dear, my dear, it’s not so dreadful here.”

3. “Tragedy” – Get out of the house. If you can, visit a place of significant tragedy in your life. Discuss tragedy with a perfect stranger. Talk with a loved one about the saddest day of their life. Any one of these things will work. Get to know what tragedy is in your own world.

For me, it’s when something goes away before it’s time.

“My dear, my dear, it’s not so dreadful here.”

4. “Journeying the Abyss” – Choose a place to go that makes you uncomfortable or uneasy. I’m not asking you to pull a John McClane and walk into a room full of terrorists, but I am asking you to visit a place that gives you a sense a danger that you cannot easily leave.

I chose to visit the Underworld by going to Bisbee’s “Copper Queen Mine.” In the case of an interesting synchronicity during the course of my working, I was randomly asked by our seventy year old guide to have a seat on the “sanitary cart” in the mine. The sanitary cart was a toilet for the miners of the Copper Queen mine and was known as the “shitter” or “throne.” For the rest of the tour, our guide kept referring to me as the Queen of the mine and asked me to pay him a visit in the future. He told me “I could come back and be Queen anytime.” This was mind-blowing to me! I literally became Queen of the Underworld while the gate was open on my working. Synchronicity? Yep. Laugh out loud funny? Hell yes, but you kinda had to be there.

“My dear, my dear, it’s not so dreadful here.”

5. “Reintegration” – The key to this phase is communication. Talk to people around you. Visibly display your Pentagram of Set if you feel adventurous. If someone is wearing or saying something that strongly connects with any of your sensibilities, make a comment or start a conversation with that person.

My big reintegration moment came when I came across a guy in Bisbee dressed head to toe like a steampunk. It was a pretty radmobile getup so I told him that I “liked his outfit.” He commented on my Pentagram of Set and showed me a red ring he was wearing that also had a pentagram on it. This was a cool little moment. I ended up running into him again across town. (I think he followed me). He gave me a business card this time. Turns out he was a local entertainer who performed nightly seances on the weekends. 

“My dear, my dear, it’s not so dreadful here.”

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6. “Combat” – Do something that requires you to learn a new language. Spend the afternoon learning a new skill, a new game, or dance routine. It doesn’t need to be complicated, but you do need to understand how to engage with your chosen language by the end of this phase.

I chose to learn how to play a complicated board game called “Eldritch Horror.” After I learned, I played a game of it with my significant other. We got our asses royally kicked by the Azathoth.

“My dear, my dear, it’s not so dreadful here.”

7. “Isolation” – For this phase return to your ritual chamber and perform a task that isolates yourself in such a way that you can completely focus on yourself inwardly. I chose a ten minute scanning body meditation.

At the end of the final phase, make a list of three endeavors you wish to pursue over the next month. You must consistently engage with these on a regular schedule throughout that time. Keep a daily record of this in your magical diary. At the end of the month, write about what you learned and how you feel about your time pursuing these endeavors.

In the spirit of consistency before you close out the working, recite your invocation of Set one final time.

Ring the bell nine times.

“SO IT IS DONE.”

ia_ia_azathoth

 

 

 

 

 

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The Rat Trap Working–A Journey through the Underworld

The Core Dynamism of Medea–A LHP Witche’s Critiscism of Emotional Servitude and Transformation

In our quitter’s society its painfully simple to begin a project and never follow through towards the end goal. Being capable of sifting through the emotional baggage that comes with a “stay or go” mentality is a good take-off point towards arriving to acquiring the sheer belly fire and tenacity it takes to come full circle and complete the things we start.

Focus is a state of mind that remains the most tenuous and delicate balances in the process of bringing something into being. Many of us get up and put our valuable non-refundable time in at the office on a day-to-day basis. Going to work is an act we start and finish. By finishing our work, we effectively bring that thing into being. Work is real and tangible because we decided to get up in the morning and make it to the end of the day.

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We are motivated to work for two reasons: because we have to, or because we want to. Work that is easy or lacks meaning to who we believe ourselves to be is the kind of work that we gravitate away from most. For the highly conscious, easy work doesn’t challenge our limits. Work that we view as below our station, such as collecting garbage for the city, or being a waitress at a hole-in-the-wall truckstop diner, lacks meaning because it reminds of of who we really are. Merely conscious individuals may be perfectly content holding jobs that are easy or less than desirable. That is okay, not everyone wants to be free from their sleeping, stimuli-addicted lives. Understanding that one is seeking something more from life, however, is the first step towards realizing that our genuine motivations are better spent elsewhere. That is–doing and becoming the things we want to be.

Think about all of the things you’ve ever wanted to do. There’s a lot of clutter in that big ‘ole mind of yours. Maybe you want to write a novel. Or master surfing, or learn to paint photo realistic landscapes. In a world with the miraculous curse that is Google at our fingertips, we can find extraordinary individuals who do any one of these things on a skill level far beyond our own ability. The first thing you need to realize is that the world at large is meant to distract us from what we should be doing to accomplish those things that we wish to complete during our finite lives. Refreshing our focus to complete something we’ve started will prevent us from exerting unnecessary and valuable energies on distractions.

Allowing distraction to leak into your meaningful work is caused by emotional servitude. Ipsissimus Don Webb of the Temple of Set refers to emotional servitude as working “only when ‘the mood is right,” however, “the Left Hand Path Initiate knows that he or she doesn’t follow his or her emotions, but that his emotions follow him.” (Webb 17) In other words, emotions are like dogs, and our wills, a leash. If something is easy, everyone does it. There is little emotional shock to our systems by seeking playful interaction with the accessible lazy existence. Difficulty, however, challenges our sensibilities, a pilgrim of the Left Hand Path seeks out “doing things that are difficult for the sheer power it gives.” (17) Therefore, only when we focus our wills to control our emotions will we be able to progress.

Jason_and_Medea_-_John_William_WaterhouseMedea, from Apollonius’s myth of the Golden Fleece represents an early mythological example of a Left Hand path initiate both afflicted by emotional servitude, and later by one who overcomes it. Hera’s scheme of having Eros shoot an arrow into Medea afflicting her with an unknown and naïve love for Jason is an example of her being lead around by her emotions. “Let us go to find Kypris! Let us confront her and urge her to speak to her son, in the hope that he can be persuaded to fire his arrows at the daughter of Aietes, the mistress of drugs, and so bewitch her with love for Jason.” (Apollonius 66) Arguably, Hera’s desire to help Jason by Medea’s infatuation is an allegory for Medea’s own daemonic self working against her, leading Medea to “persons that are desirable,” even though she doesn’t “recognize [Jason’s] qualities due to [his] surface manifestations.” (Webb 11)

Because Medea was overcome by emotion she couldn’t easily ascertain the nature of who Jason was on the surface level and he eventually betrays her after the in the events following the Argonautica. However, the young Medea possesses a strange duality, and attempts to resist Kypris’s bewitchment/programming at the medial level of her existence. “From her eyes flowed tears of pity, and within her the pain wore her away, smouldering through her flesh[…]where the ache and hurt drive deepest, where the tireless Loves shoot their pains into the heart. At one moment she thought that she would give [Jason] the drugs as charms against the bulls; then she would not, but would herself face death; then she would not die and would not give the drugs but with the calmness would endure her misery just as she was.” (Apollonius 84) Lashing out against her false predispositions of love for Jason she tries to talk herself into suicide, “much better would it be to end my life here in my room on this very night, in a death without explanation, and thus to escape all the bitter accusations before doing these awful, unimaginable things.” (84-5) This is her failed attempt to rebel, through suicide, against those things caused by Kypris’s unwanted programming. That is, those programs which are unrecognizable to her unchangeable self at the core level.

Medea alone spiritually finances Jason’s ill-fated quest for the golden fleece through magic. What is important to understand is that despite Medea’s clouded emotional state she is able to act decisively keeping in mind Jason’s promise to marry her. Medea’s magic is strong because she remains motivated and free from distraction having “no doubts how to act.” (85) The best example of this occurs in Crete where she places the evil eye upon the boulder throwing Talos, “Three times did she beseech and call upon [the Keres, devourers of spirit] with incantations, and three times with prayers. Her mind set upon evil, she cast a spell upon bronze Talos’s eyes with her malevolent glances; against him her teeth ground out bitter fury, and she sent out dark phantoms in the vehemence of her wrath.” (138)

Medea on DragonsWhile I would like to propose that Medea may have ended up being much more powerful had her heart not been overcome by Kypris’s magic, I believe that the experience of her emotions leading her around by the tongue equipped her with the ability to be much more decisive in the events following the Argonautica. Euripedes presents her as a woman no longer overcome by fear of pulling the so-called proverbial “trigger.” This incarnation of Medea is rebellious and vengeful, but she is also one awakened and completely in control of her emotions. In fact, she is so much in control that she is finally capable of bypassing Kypris’s programming at the medial level. Ipsissimus Webb proposes that “magical happiness is the state of knowing who you are” (Webb 9) on the medial level of the self. Breaking free from this programming, Medea begins to examine her motivations because she has finally discovered how to “know [her] character” and arrive at magical happiness. (9) “Things have gone badly every way. No doubt of that[…]Do you think I would ever have fawned on that man unless I had some end to gain or profit in it? I would not even spoken or touched him with my hands.” (Euripides 12-3) This is Medea’s core level dynamism appearing–blossoming for the very first time.

Apollonius’s allegory of Medea’s prospective self-murder represents her lack of motivation to complete something she started. It is important to note, however, that Medea was only considering suicide because her core self was compromised with Eros’s unwanted programming. Being in love with Jason, at her core level, was something she did not desire. In Euripides’s incarnation of Medea she chooses a path of self-transformation in which she will “make dead bodies” (Euripides 13) of her enemies which includes killing off the civilized programmed version of herself with a corrosive poison “of-all devouring fire.” (38) Jason’s new bride, Glauce, mirrors the sort of woman Medea could’ve become had she not sorted through the emotional clutter of the medial self and chose a path of self-transformation. Glauce “took the gorgeous robe and dressed herself in it, and put the golden crown around her curly locks, and arranged the set of the hair in the shining mirror, and smiled at the lifeless image of herself in it.” (37-8) The corrosive poison transforms Glauce during the course of this scene and is described as “hard to be recognized[…]from the top of her head there oozed out blood and fire mixed together. Like the drops of pine-bark, so the flesh from her bones dropped away, torn by the hidden fang of poison.” (39)

The deaths of Medea’s children and Glauce represent the emotional clutter of her medial self. By removing them from the equation she is capable of regaining her true self at the core level by becoming wholly autonomous, “a traitress to [her] father and [her] native land”  (43) and to Greek society. No longer bound by the dregs of her programming, Medea emerges as an individual against the whole of humanity–highly conscious and highly antinomian.

Conclusion

The highly conscious individual is constantly at arms with forces that interfere with progress, especially those forces that exist within our medial selves. The first step on the road towards self-transformation is shedding emotional servitude. We can accomplish this through the not-so-simple act of “completing the circle.” That is, committing ourselves to finish what we start even if unwanted programming that exists within the medial level of the self tells us otherwise. The Left Hand Path is a boundless sea cloaked by darkness. As a witch, staying motivated to accomplish a task is remaining afloat in this sea. Losing motivation, however, whether it be from lack of interest or lack of drive is to drown there.

Yours truly,

The Satanic Puritan

Xeper.

References

Apollonius of Rhodes. “Jason and the Golden Fleece.” Trans. Richard Hunter. New York: Oxford University Press, 1998. Print.

Euripides. “Medea.” Trans. Rex Warner. New York: Dover Publications, 1993. Print.

Webb, Don. “Uncle Setnakt’s Essential Guide to the Left Hand Path.” Smithville: Rûna-Raven Press, 1999. Print.

The Core Dynamism of Medea–A LHP Witche’s Critiscism of Emotional Servitude and Transformation